saturday was really fun, presley and i went to the cookie decorating party at the clubhouse and brought home a plate full of icing and sprinkles, with a couple cookies hiding underneath. my girl was in HEAVEN, and anything that makes her smile like that is heaven in my book, too.
sunday we went to church, and the kids made me fingerprint bookmarks (homemade gifts are like top 5 in my list of favorite things about being a mom.) while they were in the nursery.
and my biggest surprise was when we walked in the garage to leave... rose bushes!! i’ve been obsessing over all the rose bushes in our neighborhood and in bakersfield in general... and now i have FOUR of my own! he also planted them for me after church, i’ve definitely got a little crush on my yard guy 😉
i started feeling really down after church, and wanted to be alone.
look, my kids are my life. they are my very top priority, and they are my JOB. i find my identity in being their mom. they give me the greatest joy, and they also suck the life out of me. i spend every single day, all day, keeping them alive and happy, and smothering them in love. and y’all, it’s hard.
i pray (usually out loud) for patience at least 12 million times a day. i am incredibly, and i mean INCREDIBLY blessed, beyond measure. but... i need a day off sometimes.
randy is really good about taking over some of the duties on the weekends, and i hope he knows i notice and appreciate it. because i know he’s tired, too.
and then comes guilt. what is wrong with me that i want alone time on mother’s day. MOTHER’S DAY?l! a day i’m supposed to spend every single moment with my sweet babies. so i laid in bed and cried about what a terrible mom i am, and also because i missed my own mom... who, i’m sure, never felt like this a day in her life. 😭
i finally came out of my dark place, and even though it wasn’t bath night for the kids (we go every other night, because eczema), i got the kids in the bath to play for a little bit. (presley also had syrup in her hair 😐) anyway, i just soaked it all in (literally, water everywhere😂), and enjoyed every laugh and splash. it’s funny because bathtime is randy’s thing, not something i usually love... but i loved it that night.
so the past few days have been full of prayers, mostly thanking God for his grace... something i don’t deserve, but he showers it down on me. i’m not a failure, i’m not the worlds worst mom. those are lies from satan himself. here’s the verse that i’m clinging to:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies are new every morning. — Lamentations 3:22-23
anyway, my baby boy turned 18 months old yesterday.
not sure how, because i swear he was just my long, skinny, bald, peanut baby, like, yesterday. he is all boy... favorite place to be is outside. favorite toy is any ball of any sport any shape any size. his favorite show is gumby. no matter how many times i wipe his face, somehow it’s perpetually dirty. he eats. and eats. and eats. and then when i think he may be full, he asks for “nnnaackkk?” he is very consistent on losing one shoe. he loves his daddy more than everyone else combined. so much for momma’s boy 😭 he is the worlds best sleeper— 7pm-8:30am... on a bad day 🙌🏼 and he still rubs his little eyebrow to put himself to sleep. he says “pew-weee” every time i change his diaper, and i die. he loves to stand on stools and couches and give me near heart attacks daily. 😳 even though he’s a bit of a daredevil, he is my calm child who will crawl up on the couch and just chill. every morning when i get him out of bed, he greets me with the sweetest little drawn-out “hiiiiiiiiiiii” 😍 there are a million more sweet (and maybe not so sweet 🙈) things i want to remember about him, and this age... but i think you get the idea. 😉
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