i did something tonight that i can't stop thinking about. it was something that absolutely had to be done, and right now i'm feeling just terrible about it. 

backstory first. 

eli had a dentist appointment on monday afternoon, only his second appointment ever. the dentist said his teeth looked great, BUT, her words--"i can tell he really loves his paci." ugh. eli is such a good baby. (toddler, whatever. always my baby. and i'll call him baby out loud until he's 10, and even then i'll just try to keep it under my breath.) annnnyway. he is so good. he has ONE thing. his paci. and you know what???? he ONLY takes it when he sleeps. that's it! he doesn't use it AT ALL during the day. it's his THING at night. his comfort. i knew we'd have to lose it at some point, but honestly i wasn't ready. what was it hurting? well apparently it's gonna start hurting his permanent teeth if we don't get rid of it before he's 3. so whatever. we still have like 10ish months before he's 3. but then i started worrying about his future orthodontia. and then before i knew it...i was cutting the tip off his paci. and i'm immediately regretting it. i feel so terrible. he was so confused. my heart is breaking just thinking about him in his bed sucking on a cut paci. he didn't cry or anything... he just kinda looked at it and put it in and out of his mouth. i told him it was broken, but he still wanted it. now i just have to cut a little more off every night until he doesn't want it anymore. and that's just ONE MORE THING to make him more grown up. taking the baby away from my baby. now i'm crying. motherhood is hard. even when it's over silly ridiculous things like this. 

he really is getting so big and his vocabulary is just exploding. and i just get more obsessed with him everyday, and i don't even know how that's possible.

he is still only all about cars and trucks and tractors and excavators, and basically anything with a motor, including airplanes. randy took him to see monster trucks last weekend, and he was IN LOVE. he sat so attentively and when he got home he said, "it was loud!"

he is also very very into blippi. if you don't know about blippi, i'm jealous. jkkkk... he really isn't that bad. he does lots of educational stuff and he keeps my kids entertained with his songs and silly dancing.

by the way, randy thinks that blippi doll is the creepiest thing ever. 

speaking of RANDY... he recently gave me the best gift ever... i mean, besides my kids, obviously. 

it's something i've been asking him for, for YEARS. anniversaries, birthdays, mothers day, flag day, you name it... i'd beg him for this ONE THING. and he'd flat out tell me no. and it's not that it cost too much money... because its FREE. it was because it was "uncomfortable and itchy." 

before your mind goes somewhere wild... i'll go ahead and let the cat out of the bag (can i still say that phrase, PETA?)... RANDY GREW A BEARD!!! yall. i have been beggggggging him to grow some facial hair for years and years.... and years. and he'd tease me with three day fuzz once or twice a year. then he'd complain that his face was itchy and shave it all off again. but something got into him and he finally grew it out. and he looks SO GOOD. i wish i had a picture to show, but i keep forgetting to sneak one. i'll try to post one soon. that handsome face needs to be seen. whew.

alright, well i'll leave you with one last pic of BOTH my babies. can't believe tomorrow is already FEBRUARY!

my grandma called me yesterday (made my day!) just to see how we were doing and to tell me she "read that blog thing on your mom's phone".  she told me she's proud of me for writing... so that got me thinking i should probably actually keep writing something. 

i do have a praise report to share!

we went back to the doctor last monday so they could recheck presley's lungs from the pneumonia. she hadn't been coughing in over a week, so i figured she was good.... and she was! so thankful for that. BUT, while she was checking presley's heart the doctor casually says "remind me...did we talk about the murmur last time?" well CUE all the blood rushing from my face and me scrambling to say "UHHH NOOOOO...." in the nicest way. she said it was probably just from growing, and that was common, but that she wanted me to see a pediatric cardiologist. 

i immediately texted my girlfriend from church, helen, who is a nurse practitioner and an actual angel. she recommended a cardiologist and offered some (much needed and helpful) explanation.

we were able to get into the cardiologist yesterday morning, and after the longest appointment ever (long waits, but also a VERY thorough ultrasound and ekg and long talk with the doctor), he said her heart was perfectly normal. he said whatever sound they heard was normal, and nothing to even be concerned about. he said if they hear it again in six months or even five years from now, it's NORMAL. he said a lot of times murmurs are from defects or holes in the heart, but her heart looked great and her blood flow was perfect. i know a lot of people don't get such good news after a visit like that, so i am VERY VERY thankful (and VERY VERY relieved!) my girl is ok! 

besides that, not too much going on over here at the teel household. we are back in our routines with school and dance and church and hallmark movies.

back when i was on social media, instagram to be specific, one of my very favorite accounts to follow was @things.i.bought.and.liked ...basically she posts about, get this, things she bought...and liked. mind blowing, right? but it was SUCH GOOD STUFF. like everything from everyday household items, to beauty products, to books she read, etc. literally all kinds of stuff. if you're on instagram and you aren't following her, you are really missing out.

annnyway, i thought i'd post some things i bought and liked, just in case anyone wants to make their lives a little brighter.

1. THIS blow dryer. if you want to live your best life, you need this thing. i have watched countless youtube videos and read a bajillion pinterest articles about how to give yourself a blow out. and i just could never do it. my arms don't work that way. but with this thing, this miracle worker, i am able to give myself a blow out in MINUTES. volume for days. 

2. this TOOTHBRUSH. it is just the right amount of electric...meaning it doesn't shoot toothpaste across your mirror if you accidentally pop it out of your mouth for a second. and, they automatically ship you new heads every 3 months, so you basically feel verrrry put together and on top of things... even if you aren't.

also, one of my very favorite things to do is shop from aliexpress which is like china's version of amazon. you can find things for verrrry verrrrry cheap, if you don't mind waiting a month to get them. so here are my favorite things i've bought so far.

1. this wireless charger. my phone has the ability to charge wireless-ly, and i wasn't about to spend $50 to try it. so i found this for $2.39 and it works perfectly! i have it on my kitchen counter at the moment and while i'm cooking or doing dishes, i'll throw it on there to charge.

2. this pen/pencil pouch. i used to keep a pen in the spine of my bible, but then i got a hardcover bible and it kept falling out... or RANDY would steal it. so i got this nifty little case that has an elastic strap to attach to my bible that holds several pens!

3. this countertop vacuum. is this frivolous? yes. and for $6 it is one of my favorite mom hacks. i just zoom it over the table after every meal and snack. bonus points because presley loves to use it too! 

4. this ear tool. don't gag... but this thing is awesome. it has a super bright light that lets you see what you're doing when you need to go elbow deep on your kids earwax. it is super sturdy and fancy looking.

5. these earring backs. i've talked about these before... but these are THE BEST purchase i have made from china thus far. they keep all your post earrings sitting perfectly in your cute little ears. it is magical.

your aliexpress carts should be filling up now, but here are some other things i buy there regularly...

phone cases, screen protectors, mini melissa knock offs for presley, those cool silicone shoelaces, and packing cubes (you NEED these if you travel a lot!).

ok, that's all i've got for now. i'll leave you with some pictures of the world's cutest kids.

a year ago today was one of the hardest and scariest days of my life.

i boarded a one-way flight to california to LIVE HERE.

a year ago i was barely holding on. i had agreed to this move... maybe it was more begrudgingly than wholeheartedly, but i agreed. i was terrified. i had been to bakersfield exactly ONE time before i moved here, and it was for exactly 2.5 days. and now i was going to be LIVING here for a few YEARS? why was this happening? why bakersfield, california? nothing made sense. bakersfield had NEVER even been a blip on the radar for a potential rotation with randy's career at exxon. this position/rotation just kinda created itself after the previous tax manager at aera energy decided to retire. it was just so sudden, and i felt like i was drowning.
not to mention, the whole relocation process hadn't been smooth sailing like we had experienced with our dallas move. our woodlands house didn't sell. everything was rushed. we had to have our cars shipped. it was all happening around the holidays. randy was already living in bakersfield for 3 months while i was dealing with selling the house and taking care of the kids by myself. it was HARD. i found every excuse to hate this move and to feel sorry for myself. i was really down, i was really mad. i was NOT happy.

but something happened... something incredible.
it didn't happen right away, it took many months for me to stop being stubborn and open my eyes to see that God was moving.

in retrospect, i can absolutely see what happened.
over the last few years, randy and i were complacent. we were comfortable in our routine. we were only going through the motions of life. we were members of a church, but often felt lost in it. we talked about making changes, but never did. we didn't make our relationship a priority. and above all that (and i'm only going to speak for myself here) i was a lazy christian who felt like i was doing what i should by just going to church for sunday service. my relationship with the Lord was bleak.

then, when we heard we were going to bakersfield, instead of being thankful for the opportunity, i felt punished. why was God taking us away from our families?
and sadly, i kept that attitude for the first several months of last year.

but, in the spring, things started shifting. then spring turned into summer, and summer into fall. and then the end of the year just flew right on by.

now here i sit on this perfect bakersfield afternoon (it's cool, overcast, and raining!! my very favorite!), smiling. i am truly happy. bakersfield has suprised me. God has surprised me.
He took us out of our comfort zone, and we have not only survived, we have flourished.

we have made good and real friends.
our neighborhood is amazing.
our kids are happy.
the church we joined has pulled us right in, and we have already made such strong relationships and connections within it.

but most of all, these two things.
1. my relationship with randy has grown stronger and deeper, and i can honestly say i've never loved him more. he puts God first, and you have no idea how much that has molded our whole family dynamic here. he still drives me crazy, but i still drive him MORE crazy. he has been so supportive and loving through all my moods this past year, and i hope he knows i'd move to antarctica for him.

2. my relationship with Jesus. i believe God moved us here to get us closer to Him. i think he knew that we weren't relying on Him like we should, and what better way to change our selfish ways than to uproot us from our comfort zone and place us 1,700 miles away from everything and everyone we know....well, it worked!

it took me too much time to realize that God put us here to fulfill HIS plans for us. now i have open arms to this experience and adventure and am doing my best to follow His direction each day.

don't get me wrong..i still miss my family terribly. i get homesick for my parents daily. and of course i still have bad days and sad days, but they are fewer and fewer.

also, i'm never getting tired of these sunsets!

coming to you live from pemberley manor (i cant stop wont stop hallmark)... that's right, we made it back to the golden state friday afternoon, after two glorious weeks in h-town.

first, a few things.

1. to everysingleperson we didn't get to see while we were in texas (basically everyone besides our families, and the people who work at whataburger on the beltway), I AM SO SORRY. i have really good intentions coming into these trips. it's not that i don't want to see my friends (please don't stop being my friends!), it's just so hard to take time away from the family we get to see less than a handful of times a year. so... really i'm sorry, but also, you're welcome? because we all got nasty colds and my parents house was basically a breeding ground for flu-like symptoms. for real, i'm failing at being a friend lately, please don't give up on me.

2. thank you for all the christmas cards! i love seeing so many sweet faces in our mailbox. in case you didn't know, i save every christmas card we get. when i take down christmas decorations i bind all the cards we received for the season (and our own card!), and when i decorate for christmas the next year i have a coffee table full of books of christmas cards past! it's so fun to look back and see how families have grown

so we've been back for 3 days and everything is a mess. my house, my life... everything.

presley should be back at school today, but instead we were at the doctor's office as soon as they opened to be given a diagnosis of PNEUMONIA. my baby girl is so sick. she also has the beginning of an ear infection on top of that... so everytime she coughs(which is literally NONSTOP), it hurts her ear. she is currently resting--by choice, which, if you know her, is very very out of character for my child that never stops moving. it breaks my heart to see her so down. please pray for a quick recovery for our presley girl.