i boarded a one-way flight to california to LIVE HERE.
a year ago i was barely holding on. i had agreed to this move... maybe it was more begrudgingly than wholeheartedly, but i agreed. i was terrified. i had been to bakersfield exactly ONE time before i moved here, and it was for exactly 2.5 days. and now i was going to be LIVING here for a few YEARS? why was this happening? why bakersfield, california? nothing made sense. bakersfield had NEVER even been a blip on the radar for a potential rotation with randy's career at exxon. this position/rotation just kinda created itself after the previous tax manager at aera energy decided to retire. it was just so sudden, and i felt like i was drowning.
not to mention, the whole relocation process hadn't been smooth sailing like we had experienced with our dallas move. our woodlands house didn't sell. everything was rushed. we had to have our cars shipped. it was all happening around the holidays. randy was already living in bakersfield for 3 months while i was dealing with selling the house and taking care of the kids by myself. it was HARD. i found every excuse to hate this move and to feel sorry for myself. i was really down, i was really mad. i was NOT happy.
but something happened... something incredible.
it didn't happen right away, it took many months for me to stop being stubborn and open my eyes to see that God was moving.
in retrospect, i can absolutely see what happened.
over the last few years, randy and i were complacent. we were comfortable in our routine. we were only going through the motions of life. we were members of a church, but often felt lost in it. we talked about making changes, but never did. we didn't make our relationship a priority. and above all that (and i'm only going to speak for myself here) i was a lazy christian who felt like i was doing what i should by just going to church for sunday service. my relationship with the Lord was bleak.
then, when we heard we were going to bakersfield, instead of being thankful for the opportunity, i felt punished. why was God taking us away from our families?
and sadly, i kept that attitude for the first several months of last year.
but, in the spring, things started shifting. then spring turned into summer, and summer into fall. and then the end of the year just flew right on by.
now here i sit on this perfect bakersfield afternoon (it's cool, overcast, and raining!! my very favorite!), smiling. i am truly happy. bakersfield has suprised me. God has surprised me.
He took us out of our comfort zone, and we have not only survived, we have flourished.
we have made good and real friends.
our neighborhood is amazing.
our kids are happy.
the church we joined has pulled us right in, and we have already made such strong relationships and connections within it.
but most of all, these two things.
1. my relationship with randy has grown stronger and deeper, and i can honestly say i've never loved him more. he puts God first, and you have no idea how much that has molded our whole family dynamic here. he still drives me crazy, but i still drive him MORE crazy. he has been so supportive and loving through all my moods this past year, and i hope he knows i'd move to antarctica for him.
2. my relationship with Jesus. i believe God moved us here to get us closer to Him. i think he knew that we weren't relying on Him like we should, and what better way to change our selfish ways than to uproot us from our comfort zone and place us 1,700 miles away from everything and everyone we know....well, it worked!
it took me too much time to realize that God put us here to fulfill HIS plans for us. now i have open arms to this experience and adventure and am doing my best to follow His direction each day.
don't get me wrong..i still miss my family terribly. i get homesick for my parents daily. and of course i still have bad days and sad days, but they are fewer and fewer.
also, i'm never getting tired of these sunsets!
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